Running.

My greatest wish for most of my life is to see people around me being happy, regardless of anything, I just want people around me to be happy. It sounds like a fluke even if I am typing this now, maybe because within a few weeks, I’ve feel like I have hurt so many people and only made them unhappy with how I am.

Then last night, I’ve decided on my own that I want to run away. Running away wont solve problems. That much I know, but it will give me space and time to think about what kind of shit person I have been towards my friends, just because of my own stupid actions. I have always been a logical person and in control of myself. I should stop getting dragged around by myself then losing myself in the process. It feels stupid, sounds stupid and is stupid.

I want to find peace with myself, lock that inner monster in , and then go back to who I am. Stupid and hyper but at least happy. I am sick of myself acting like this, selfish and unthinkable of.

And I felt my heart break a little. Just when I thought I could be unfeeling about the situation.
I think it is because after all I did, your primary concern is still on whether the other side of the friendship holds. So no matter what else i do, you wont look back anymore.